Taken From My April Newsletter 2009, and is the story of why I love the ‘Nothing Is Missing’ part of the Demartini Method so much.
So I always planned on writing about ‘Nothing is Missing’ in my next newsletter, but little did I know how much I would be looking into this concept during the last few weeks!
For people new to the Demartini Method, let me explain a little. The DM is basically 14 really good quality questions, that take you from anger, pain, hurt, judgement or infatuation through to indifference and finally to gratitude, balance, peace and inspiration. These questions appear on Form A and Form B; one for the ‘nice/positive’ characteristics (of the people involved, as you see them!) and one for the ‘nasty/negative’ ones. But there is a less well known or used Form C as well.
Now Form C is based upon the theory that you can’t create or destroy anything it just changes form (scientifically, for example, try it with water) . It is just 8 questions. 4 are for when you fear losing something that you have, especially something new, like a job, child or lover. The other 4 are for when you are grieving the loss of something. For those of you who have attended the Breakthrough Experience with Dr Demartini, you will have seen it demonstrated on the Sunday for a short time.
Now the problem with Fear of Loss, is that it gets in the way, and can make you needy, hence pushing what you are desperate to keep, away from you.
The problem with Grief over Loss, is that it means that you feel separate from the things/people that you loved & lost, thus accentuating the pain. Pain isn’t necessary in order to remember someone.
Not understanding this form, can get in the way of completing a full DM session. So it is vital in your ability to be able to use the DM at home.
Plus, it is simpler and easier to use, and can be used all on it’s own, so it is a great alternative to a full DM session (which let’s face it, can take a while!). Also, it does not require understanding of the full Forms A and B for it to work.
It can work on anything: Loss of Job, Money/Object, Qualifications/knowledge, Loved One, Recognition, , Health, Way of Life.
I was planning on inspiring you with stories of how this has helped me to look back & address the death of my father when I was 20. Or helped me to tackle my Mum’s death when I was pregnant a few years ago. Even the death of an old friend from suicide. Rather than the pain that I felt (excruciating in the case of my Dad, because I hadn’t discovered the DM by then, whereas it was just painful with my Mum, because at least I knew, that she knew, I loved her, just as she was when she died), I now feel them with me whenever I need them. Doing a session on someone who has passed away, you actually get a chance to talk to them, which is both a weird and beautiful experience.
Then I was going to tell you how I did a session on fear of losing my little boy, after he had an accident and ended up in A&E in America. He was OK, but I was freaked! And how afterward, it felt as though a silk veil had been lifted between us and I could suddenly hold him closer than ever before. In fact he now regularly demands a tummy-to-tummy cuddle, almost as a reflection of the fact that there isn’t anything keeping me from him any more. I’ve even been able to teach him the idea simply, if he is missing someone or something, and he is just 3yrs old!
Or how I realised that although Max doesn’t have grandparents on my side, he has had an array of incredibly varied and loving people take on that role (in my perception a mixture of wiseness, versus spoiling). From his pole-dancing God-Father, to one of my brothers, to the old geezer training our dogs, each one has skills my parents don’t have, and I can totally see why my parents would have wanted him to meet and love them. I no longer stare wistfully at the other grandparents pushing their grandchildren in the park.
But what I’m actually going to focus on is the last couple of months. First the loss of our much loved cat Harry, who moved into our first house, on the first day we moved in around 18yrs ago. Then the loss of the friend we got him Katy a couple of months later. You might know that you are going to lose someone, but it is still difficult to pre-empt what you are going to be upset about and miss about them. Without doing a Form C session on them, I know I would have been down the cat sanctuary in a flash, as the silence & tidiness sounded so empty. Whereas now I know that for some reason, they are making space for the family, and it wouldn’t be the ‘right’ move for us as a family. I remember Dr Demartini talking about the loss of his second wife Athena. He had done DM sessions on her, but it wasn’t until afterward that he gradually made a list over a period of a few weeks of what he missed, and then worked the magic of Form C on it. Now whenever I think of Katy, I get a slight sense of a head butt & a purr, and for Harry I get a loud growl and nibble of a chin.
For Mums, the story of Jades recent death on Mother’s day is desperately sad and deeply worrying. So again this is a place where I could re-look at the potential loss of Max, plus the potential of him losing myself or my husband. If you have ever laid in bed worrying about your kids, you’ll know what I mean when I say that it was lovely to quieten the fears, and have a good nights sleep. Plus it reminded me to love every DAY, not just every week, month or year. A future immortal mission might be important, but I still love picnics and laying on the grass counting daisies and clouds.
So I was just getting my head around losing Katy, when my computer starts to get a bit dodgy, and then won’t restart. Now those who know me, will know that I LOVE technology, so this is a big deal for me. When the truth of losing everything I have written or created over the past 15yrs dawned on me, it was horrifying. At that moment a new client texted me asking when I was going to phone her. I didn’t handle the whole scenario well, I was too worried about losing everything that kept my business together! Then I worked Form C. 2 days later, as my husband phoned to let me know there was nothing the tech guys could do, I was literally meeting a new business partner at the same moment. This time, I was able to explain my dilemma, but stay calm and present in the meeting, which was definitely a meeting full of hope and creation (where there is great destruction, there is always great creation).
So where does that leave me? ……. Form C is something that you can do ‘all in one go’ (as I did for the cats) or work it progressively. As the days progressed after the loss of all my data, I got this deepening feeling of ‘starting from fresh’ and relief from all the old stuff I was carrying around with me. Now I can decide to look at my business with fresh eyes, rather than those tainted by all my past on my computer. Every now and again I panic about something new that needs to be rebuilt or lost, and then I look at that aspect again with Form C. Sometimes, I get surprising emails with loads of documents sent back (Dr Demartini being one of the people who had copies of all my workbooks and workshops from 6 months ago). I have a growing feeling of opportunity and regrowth, it’s spring after all!
For my clients who attend my ‘Nothing is Missing’ workshop (1 full day, either focussed on 1 or all 7 areas of life), I have found that it has a very different effect from the ‘Transformation Workshop’. The TW will transform a relationship, and if it was a key one (like a parent/partner/abuser) it will change their view of life dramatically. But there are always new relationships in our lives and new challenges! Whereas the security and comfort that comes from understanding that there has never been anything missing, creates a deeper, more long lasting calming effect. Both workshops are wonderful in their own way, but NIM is definitely not to be missed!
So a year down the line, I now understand more deeply the importance of my losing the cats and my computer data. That whole process had me paring down my life and looking at my priorities and how I worked in great detail. Which has been incredibly important since a couple of months later I found myself pregnant, morning sick, and looking at how to run my business with two children. So as John said before ‘Out of Great Destruction Comes Great Creation’, in fact a whole little person called Willow Phoebe Rose Pearson!